goop X Michaela Boehm

The Jar Exercise: Step-by-Step

A playful way to spark erotic or romantic connection, helping eliminate decision fatigue, add surprise, and create space for connection and excitement.

Step 1: Gather Materials


• Find a jar (or a glass container with a lid you can shake).
• Get two different colors of small papers (one color for each partner).
  You can use more colors if you want delineate short “quickie” activities and longer “date” activities.

Step 2: Write and Fill


• On your color paper, each person writes activities they would like to experience – don’t share these with your partner for added surprise
• These can be playful, sensual, adventurous, romantic, or deeply connecting.
• Some examples: a back massage, a fantasy, a sweet gesture, or a fun date idea.
• 
Include a mix of quick, simple ideas and a few more involved activities.
• Fold up your papers and place them all into the jar together and shake to mix up.

Step 3: Choose a date when have time to connect – pick a Leader and a Follower

• Before starting, decide who will lead and who will follow.
• Some ideas for deciding:
  • Whoever feels more tired gets to follow.
  • Take turns based on the day.
Flip a coin or draw straws.
• Stay flexible so it feels playful, not obligatory.

Step 4: Draw a Paper


• The leader draws a paper from the follower’s color.
  (For example: if your partner’s papers are blue, you draw a blue slip.)

Step 5: Enact the Wish


• The leader guides or initiates the activity written on the drawn paper.
• Ideally, the activity is enacted the same day—but flexibility and consent always come first.
• The follower simply receives and enjoys—no need to reciprocate.
• 
If an activity doesn’t feel right in the moment, you can always pick another or modify it.

Step 6: Repeat and Switch Roles on another date.


• Next time, switch who leads and who follows.
• 
Keep adding new wishes or ideas to the jar over time to keep things fresh and playful.