Why Does Attraction Diminish in Long Term Relationships?

This week I gave several interviews and was asked a similar question each time:

“Why does attraction diminish as we get further into a relationship?”

The answer to this questions has several parts, many of which have to do with relational dynamics, logistics, and psychological considerations. But the single most important part has to do with what we call “Erotic Friction,” a translation of a Sanskrit term from my lineage of Kashmiri Shaivism.

This topic comes up often – whether it’s keeping the passion hot in an existing relationship, or understanding the dynamic of attraction that creates the spark when looking for a partner or with someone new.

When a relationship starts, everything about the other person is unknown. Two separate distinct humans meet and the fresh meeting of opposites produces erotic tension and sexual attraction.

Then, over time, we build a relationship, which in its very nature is based on sameness; having the same interests, the same friends, living in the same space, etc. The more we have and do in common, the less the tension that comes from being different arises….and one day, we find ourselves on the sofa, cuddled up, watching a movie in matching sweatpants.

Very cozy and comforting, but with very little erotic excitement happening!

So how to keep the interest high and the passion hot?

Fortunately, the principles of Erotic Tension are easy to understand and once learned through the body, can invigorate and re-ignite any relationship. Over the last few years of teaching, we have developed brand new exercises and updated tantric techniques to increase attraction and deepen intimacy. Click here for our current schedule.

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